Newspaper Archive of
Valley News and Views
Drayton , North Dakota
July 22, 2010     Valley News and Views
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July 22, 2010

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Page 6 July 22nd 2010 Valley News & Views "The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despot's dread of a newspaper that laughs." The American Press, first printed in Mark Twain: Press Critic. Mad Cow Strikes Local Area Situation Tense as Producers Struggle with Shortage of Bovine Psychiatrists Willy, an angry bovine from Grafton, was sedated and hauled back to Grafton, where it is employed at Wally's. Willy, one of many victims of angry bovine, went a little Ioopy during this years Riverfest parade.and began shouting obscenities at onlookers. Experts believe the outbreak of Angry Bovine, is due to economic uncertain As Mad Cow appears to have hit the area in epidemic proportions, local producers are struggling with a shortage of the Bovine Psychiatrists needed to help their herds deal with the uncertainties of the times.. In order to bring the situation under control experts believe producers must enter as soon as possible into sensitivity training and immediately cease to use the words "Mad Cow" and replace them with ' kngry Bovine". Bessy, an angry bovine from Middle River, says she's tired of being referred to as a mad cow, even though she admits she is very angry and sometimes wants to rip the siding from the barn and start a big fire.. Theme Crossword: High in 58 m 24 ,==w 38 5O 6O 65 SENTED PRE BY 61 i J Where volunteering begins. ACROSS 35. "Highs and " 37. Cheese in red 1. Legal excuse casing 6. Popular British 39. To bake eggs in beverage their shells 9. " MiaF' 40. Black and white 13. One who totes treat 14. As opposed to rent 41. Rebroadcasted 15. Never say this 43. A lightbulb often word? symbolizes this 16. Much in Italian 44. Internet patrons 17. *Plane engines __ 46. *Sang lyrics "How before take-off High is the Sky" 18. Not active 47. "Buddenbrooks" 19. *" , Trains & author Automobiles" 48. Type of check-up 21. To confine 50. -a-sketch 23. Dog command 52. Pulit zer Prize winner 24. Block of granite, Harper e.g. 53. Three of these in a 25. 100 pounds yard 28. Swank 55. Her counterpart 30. Like country life 57. *Type of shower Ac~ve, Reserve or National Guard. If you've suffered a traumatic injury after 2001, whether or not the injury was related to ANY military activity, YOU MAY BE NTITLD TO UP TO $100,000 through TSGLI benefits you've already paid for. Call 1-800.951-1473 to see ff you qualify. SFC James Rdr, house (Re) OIF 0~8 J ames Rolshouse & Associates I Lowyels Rdshoese g ~oles ore ]kensed in -- ~. ~ 0nd NV with p~indp01 dikes in Burnsvilte, MN. ler,_Vlllollllllt J _ x'Ill 115 Jl,hc -= New York Office Makes Correction to Last Week s Article Last week the Valley News andViews mistakenly referred to the Tyrannosaurus Rex that was stealing lunch boxes from the bridge construction crew members as a "Thunder Lizard". The New York Office was quick to point out that the Brontosaurus is in fact, the Thunder Lizard. While technically correct, I still have a hard time with this one. l think that about the only time you'll hear thunder you'll from a Brontosaurus is when it trips on its shoe laces. Besides, the brontosaurus is not an actual creature. Alien Trap Count For the Week July 15 - July 21 Seems therewas some mix- up between the Apatosaurus, which was discovered first and the Brontosaurus which was discovered later. Turns out they were one and the same. Since the Apatosaurus was discovered and named first, this is considered the proper name for the critter and the name Brontosaurus is now obsolete. So what then is the meaning in the name Apatosaurus? Well, it comes for the Greek, apate, meaning deception or deceptive. Therefore it is technically a Deceptive Lizard, not a Thunder Lizard. I guess it must have gone creeping around the swamps deceiving all the other big lizards, convincing them it was a Brontosaurus and not a Apatosaurus. It sure fooled me. Now back to good old T- Rex. What about his name? As far as I can tell it comes from the word T-bone, which was one of its favorite meals. T-Rex preferred it rare with a baked potato and often a green salad on the side. It also liked to drink a little Merlot with its meal. Matter of fact, it often drank to excess which appears to be how it got its reputation for down right orneriness. It would get drunk and then go pick fights with all the other lizards. A bit cowardly, it especially liked to pick on the little ones. Now you know the truth. They Named the Babies You remember Roman and his gerbils Matilda and Jane that turned out to actually be Matilda and Patrick. Well, they had a litter of little gerbils, and then another and then another. Here is a list of their offspring organized by litter: Litter 1 Flower Percy Magoo Mouse (magoo and mouse are twins) George Litter 2 Mole Cookie Litter 3 Sparky Pablo Ghost Roku Olivia by Chad Carpenter The Official Comic Strip of the Animal's Republic of Robbin NO NO 5f4OOKUMSf 1 HA D50;F THE I_ ......... ,, / II WtLL HAVe TO I t II 6 ve You A I ', qi 1 WWWJ*MN~RACOMICS~OM *'" the Sky Answers on Page 12 60. *Used to fill a balloon 63. Implied 64. Lyric poem 66. Greek sculptor of "Discobolus" 68. __ burly 69, One of a set of dice 70. Shakespearean device used to inform audience 71. Twelfth month of Jewish calendar 72. Tight __ in football 73. Short- bandicoot DOWN 1. Cash giver 2. *Pilot's stunt 3. Short for "it will" 4. Software or Internet test, pl. 5. Humorously incongruous 6. *High rocky hills 7. Female sheep 8. Blacksmith's work surface 9. *Given before meals in first class 10. Affirm with confidence 11. Being nothing more than specified 12. Product of creativity 15. *Harry Potter's 2000 20. Olden days anesthetic 22. Sea in Spain 24. *Sky at sunset 25. *Cumulonimbus, e.g. 26. "For better or for 27. 10 to 12-year-old 29. Parisian idea 31. Door-stopping wedge, e.g. 32. Type of wave 33. Singer Cara 34. *Used for lifting 36. Arrange by categories 38. Grain in "The House That Jack Built" 42. Cheese-covered chip 45. *Type of card located in the seat pocket in front of you 49. "War and Peace" author 51. Contracted shooter 54. Deteriorate 56. One's assertion 57. Mangle 58. Beige 59. A chest or small drawer for money 60. Pay close attention 61. Purple flower painted by Van Gogh 62. "The horse you __ in on" 63. Definite article 65. Cacophony 67. Flanders of "The Simpsons" 1 4 Weekly Sudoku Solution on Page 12 PnESENrEO aY Wh~re vok~Leerl~9 begins, 5] 9 7 2 1 8 3 7 658 5 9 2 3 4 9 3 9 8 4 8 7 8 [4 5 Fill i~ the b~k squ~res in the grfd, making sure U~ every row, columo and 3-by-3 ~ includes aft OIg~ , r~'o~h 9- Point to Ponder.. What disease did cured ham actually have? Heart of America Medica[ Center in Rugby, ND is offering .$2,000 sign on bonus to Certified Nursing Assistants for our long term care Nursing Facility "Things I Think Are Stupid" By Earl the Penguin Hidden in this puzzle ore some of Eorl the Penguin's fovorite things to find disgusting. Don't be offended if he hos included you in the list, It's just port of Eorl's chorm. Solution on Page 11 MALOITSPESFGI UALRA EOHLUEEDOAN I LSRYLA ANTCSON EAE S EANTHGH ONZRE I OBOSOGMRP PAA TTRCOTRS LNERTC I NOE SAAHPOR I AEPOFA I PMR FNSALBBAHNOULAEI LU NOORN E S P EODE ZDE C EO I AO I ERSPBGEDSZHKLP UBGTTHNAESUON I LL I D UZL I BAETRAO I CNEEPA HSGEHANRYBNKAJ LSSN S LNSACLOPOETRY I G I B AN I E LC I LDNUZPSO I EA C I GICLHMSLESPRAELP OTN PESCE LSNAC LS LS E ZP I H I SMNRAZEBDEALA NKSE I RTNASAE LPOEPO Bleachers Charities Chickens Donations Footballs Fudge Jello Michigan Patrolmen People Pickles Pleasantries Poetry Puzzles Sand Singing You Zebras More Stuff In My Mind A Dog's Point of View Coming soon to a bookstore near you. m Since 1948 BASEMENTS WATER " SEWER SHOP 352-3357 MOBILE PHONE 520-0109 328 Commerce Street ~ Grafton Itisa mistake to think you major roblems just with pot es ugias ' :;;. ;: ;:;::':= .q